How To Get An Instaworthy Photo Of Your Kids
“Perfection is shallow, unreal, and fatally uninteresting.”
Step 1: Get your kids dressed in the perfect outfit.
Yes, I know, this means you actually have to get your kids dressed. Linden still wears onesies the majority of the time so when you see him in an outfit you had better believe I've gone above and beyond to get a great picture. If there is a stain on their clothes simply turn it inside out, have them cover it up artfully, or add a filter that will make it look as if it was meant to be there.
Step 2: Find the perfect backdrop.
I like to opt for a wall or a nice clean background. This is mainly because the house is a hot mess and it's much easier to get the kids to freeze standing outside than to actually clean. You may have to move all of your crap off to one corner of the room or even add a decorative vase to cover up something unsightly.
Step 3: Use bribery as necessary.
My go-to bribes are lollipops and chocolate. The cost of a good picture is a pricey one for us moms so what's a little sugar rush when it comes to a photo worthy of the internet? We are already investing our time and energy to do this we might as well add in our morals and self-respect while we are at it.
Step 4: When bribery fails, use consequences.
I am against making idle threats when it comes to parenting but not when it comes to taking a picture: "Maelle if you don't take this picture you won't get to go to swimming." Ya, as if that's going to happen. But until it no longer works, I'm going to use it.
Step 5: Make ridiculous noises and tell lies to get them to look at the camera.
I like to have the husband stand behind the camera, jump around, clap, click his tongue, or sing a song. There is nothing beneath me, and making my husband part of the chaos just makes me feel better about the fact that I am even doing this in the first place. I even used to lie to Maelle: "look at the little circle on my phone and tell me what colour it changes to!" Unfortunately, she's catching on to my lies!
Step 6: Take 1000 photos and pray to whatever higher power you believe in that you get 1 good shot.
Don't stop for anything. There is a reason why I have a phone that has 128 GB of storage. I know it will shock you when I say it isn't because of my huge following on this blog and the countless e-mails I receive from adoring fans or brands that want to work with me. No, it's for the photos - almost all of the 128 GB - I'm not even ashamed to say it.
Step 7: Scroll through those 1000 photos to find that one gem.
I know, of 1000 photos you would think one would be good enough. Chances are, however, you probably didn't get one. In this case, give up and try another day; if you have found one, though, you have truly hit the jackpot.
Step 8: Edit your photo.
What in the world is that pile of laundry doing in the background of your photo? No worries! Crop it out and pretend your life isn't a disaster. Chocolate on your child's face? No problem! Find a filter that fades the image to look as if the chocolate was never there. Crappy lighting? Don't panic! Up the brightness, so it looks like you are living your perfect life on a sunny vacation. In all cases, nobody wants to see what your real life looks like.
Step 9: Put that Instaworthy picture up on the internet.
Breathe a sigh of relief knowing that everybody sees only the best you have to offer.
Obviously, we are inclined to showcase the very best photos and videos we have. I don't think this is always because we are putting up a front that this is how life really is all the time. For me, it is because these are the memories I want to keep. I don't post pictures of my kids melting down mainly because I want to forget those moments faster than you can say "cheese". I am, however, trying to keep it real here because I want other moms to see the truth. See below for the final product and some of the hilarious outtakes I've captured while trying to get that elusive "perfect" picture.
